Hope and Rebirth
by realornotreal12
Summary: Katniss and Peeta's lives are based on a fairly strict routine after their return to District 12. What happens when they decide to break awas from it? Can they handle the repercussions? Post Mockingjay, Pre-Epilogue. I suck at summaries!
1. Chapter 1

It had been 11 months since Peeta's return and we were slowly making a return to normalicy. If that state even existed for us anymore. We had developed a consistent routine. He would bake each morning, I would hunt. I would prepare my kill, he would make it in to something far more edible than I could ever hope to. Eventually Sae stopped coming by, we didn't need to use her as a safety net anymore. After dinner we would work on the memory book. We would try to recall as many memories of our loved ones as possible and usually it ended in tears, but we soldiered on. We owed it to them to remember. Peeta would draw next to what we had written and we would spend time talking about it before moving on. Sometimes haymitch would join us and sometimes he wouldn't. Night time was still difficult for both of us. The nightmares and hijacked memories often threatened to consume us but we had eachother and Peeta assured me that as long as we had eachother we could make it through anything. Usually when one of us woke up screaming from dreams of Mutts and firey, gruesome death it took only the others comforting arms and words of reassurance to bring us back to reality. But there were still days when it kept me cowering in bed or Peeta cold and distant. For the most part though things were getting better. Most days we would stick to our routine. Lately though the routine had begun to wear on me. What first seemed like a struggle to acheive was now becoming repetitive and perhaps a little TOO predictable. I was beginning to think that maybe if we were destined to live we might want to get actual lives. But just as soon as those thoughts would enter my head they would be replaced by guilt and horror at the thought that I could ever move on without _them_. Today was a morning like any other. I sat at the table while Peeta made me cheese buns. I wasn't sure if I had the courage inside of me to say what I wanted to say. I had obviously never been one with words but I needed to get it out.

"Prim" I said.

Peeta stopped and turned to look at me. "Prim?" he asked.

"Yes. I was...I was thinking about her and I just thought...Well she would want me, us, to be happy, right? To live a good life?"

Peeta smiled as he thought about what I had said, "Yes. I think she would. I know she would Kat. She would want you to LIVE. To smile and laugh and enjoy things again".

"I know she would too," I got up and walked towards him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my head against his chest, "and I'm trying Peeta. But sometimes it's so hard. I feel like I'm betraying her. Why should I get to smile or laugh or enjoy things? Prim will...she'll never get to do those things and neither will Finn or Boggs or Mags or any of them! It doesn't seem fair...I feel like I don't deserve it".

He kissed the top of my head. "You do deserve it Katniss. And it's not betraying them, it's honoring them. Honoring what they gave up so that we could go on. We owe it to them to live, to be ok." He sighed and held me tighter. "What brough this on?" he asked.

"I've just been thinking."

He leaned back so that he could look in to my eyes, "About what?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe that this...routine we've created has been great...it's brought us back toether, it's made things mean something again...but..." I struggled to find the words, "but maybe it's time we forget the routine and just...live".

`Just live. Well Miss Everdeen I think that may just be the best idea you`ve ever had," he teased. He smiled again and brought his lips towards mine. Kissing Peeta is something that has gone from simple comfort to outright need. I NEED to feel his lips on mine, feel his hands find their way to my hips. I Need to hear that sound me makes when my tongue darts out to caress his bottom lip. Like with our fauthful routine, I needed the change in our relationship that brought us to this point.

"How do we do this?" he asked when we finally broke apart, "What changes?"

"Well," I said, "I don't know if we need to really decide that. I think maybe we just...do what comes naturally."

"Am I still allowed to bake you cheese buns?," he laughed, "Because that was part of the routine and if we're breaking away from the routine maybe we shou-" I silenced him with a kiss.

"Don't you dare threaten me with cheese buns Peeta Mellark," I smiled.

"Alright," he grinned, "the cheese buns can stay. The rest of it is up in the air".

"Agreed," I smiled back and leaned in for another kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

I could hear the birds singing their morning song outside the window, could feel the breeze coming in and ghosting over our bodies. When I opened my eyes I could see the first light of morning creeping in to our room. Peeta lay sound asleep beside me. I loved moments like this. When I could look at him and see him without the look of worry or concern which was commonly spread across his face. Sleeping Peeta looked at peace, like he had no troubles in the world. I wished more than anything that it was true, that Peeta didn't have to live with the memories or suffer through the pain of all he had been through. I often felt guilty about it but he assured me that he wouldn't change a thing and that every thing that had ever happened had brought us to where we were now. As if it was some magical place, please. Peeta was sometimes annoyingly optimistic. I both hated it and loved it. I reached my hand towards Peeta and brushed a stray lock of hair out of his face. He really was beautiful. He began to sirt under my touch and a smile crossed his lips.

"Good morning beautiful," he whispered.

"Good morning," I said.

Peeta opened his eyes and scooted closer to me. I closed the gap and leaned in to press my lips to his. The kisses we shared in the morning were always intense. As if we had locked away all of our passion overnight and now had to release it. Peeta's hand found my thigh and he pulled it over his hip, a bold move for him. Usually Peeta let me dictate how these things went but I thoroughly enjoyed it when he felt the courage to take control. The hunger I sometimes felt when we were together like this seemed to revel in a dominant Peeta. After so many years of taking the lead and taking care of everyone else it was nice to feel like the roles were reversed. I ran my hands up his chest feeling the muscles that had now returned. Peeta broke away so we could catch our breath but continued to kiss my neck and collarbone. I couldn't help but let out a small moan as his kisses got closer and closer to the neckline of my tank top. My reaction seemed to spur him on and suddenly his hands were creeping out, starting to explore my body. His hands went from my thigh to my backside where he stopped to squeeze it gently, eliciting another moan from me. When he pushes his hands under my shirt and brings his hands to my breast I freeze. This is new territory for us and I'm not sure that I'm ready for what this is heading towards. Peeta pulls his hand away quickly and looks away as if he's ashamed that he pushed things that far.

"I'm sorry Katniss, I don't know what I was thinking," he says quietly. I place my hand under his chin and force him to look at me.

"Don't be sorry Peeta. I was just taken by surprise. I wasn't expecing you to -"

"Push it that far?" he interrupts, "And I shouldn't have. I shouldn't push you like this and I know it...I just find it hard to control my actions when I'm so close to you. I love you...but sometimes I forget that it isn't the same for you. This doesn't mean the same thing to you" he said sadly.

"That isn't true. Peeta I don-" he cut me off again and kissed my forehead.

"Lets go downstairs and make some breakfast shall we? I'll make you some cheese buns" and with that Peeta climbed out of bed and walked out the door leaving me with a million conflicting feelings.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: Hi guys! Sorry it took so long to update but it was reading week and things got hectic! Hope you enjoy it and there's more to come =)

Horrible. That was the only way to describe how I felt after what happened this morning. I had made my way downstairs determined to talk to Peeta about what had happened even if the thought of talking about my feelings terrified me. But when I walked in to the kitchen Peeta kept making small talk and would change the subject any time I said something unrelated to what he wanted to talk about. So instead of telling him that he was wrong, that I DID care for him a great deal, I smiled and ate, thanked him, grabbed my bow, gave him a quick kiss, assured him I'd be home in time for lunch and set out in to the forest. My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am 19 years old, I live in District 12, I survived two trips in to the arena and a rebellion. I am a coward in all the ways that currently matter. I take the path which leads to my old meeting place with Gale. I need to think. Since his return to 12 Peeta has consumed many of my thoughts. Where is Peeta? What is Peeta doing? Is Peeta thinking about me? Does Peeta still want me? I had thought so much about him that I hadn't really stopped to think about me. I knew I cared about Peeta. I knew that I both wanted and needed him in my life. I knew that kissing him made me feel alive. Having his arms around me made me feel safe and protected. Having him in the same room made me feel calm. I love Peeta. Do I love him the same way he loves me? I try to imagine my life without him. The thought makes me want to break down. I think about my life with him as nothing more than a friend. The thought hurts my heart more than I'd like. I don't quite understand what being in love feels like. I know what it looks like for Peeta but I doubt I'll ever be able to behave the way that he does with his declarations of love and sunshine. I suddenly worry that maybe the love I have to offer him won't be enough and that he'll leave me broken and alone. If I tell Peeta how I feel I risk letting him down...if I continue on the way we have been it's only a matter of time before he grows tired of loving a girl who can't even tell him she feels the same. I resolve to go home to Peeta, to tell him that I do love him, more than he'll ever know, when I hear his voice and heave footsteps coming through the forest.

"Katniss!" he shouts, "Katniss! Where are you?"

I go towards the sound of his voice because something is obviously very wrong. When I break out in to a clearing I see him. He looks panicked and then full of relief.

"Where have you been?" he half yells at me.

"What do you mean? You knew I was going to hunt." I said, confused at his state.

"That was this morning Katniss. You said you'd be home for lunch!"

"And I will be" I said.

"Katniss it's 3:00 in the afternoon! I've been worried sick! I've been looking every where. Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"

"I'm sorry," I throw myself in to his arms. I don't deserve this boy, "I'm so sorry Peeta. I was thinking and I lost track of time. I'm so sorry."

He kisses the top of my head and his breathing slows. "I'm just glad you're ok. I thought I'd lost you and I panicked."

"You'll never lose me," I say and I kiss him just to reaffirm my point. I break away and take his hand. "Lets go home Peeta. I have a lot to say to you". As we walk back towards the fence I realize that I have never been more terrified in my life.


	4. Chapter 4

We walked back to the Victors Village in relative silence. The only attempt at conversation was when Peeta mentioned how great the town square was beginning to look. I simply nodded and continued on my path, too consumed with fear over what i was about to do to engage him in any semblance of conversation. We walked past Haymitch's house and I made a mental note to go check on him later today. We made our way inside and Peeta situated himself on the couch before looking at me expectedly.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Katniss Everdeen had 'a lot to say'", he smirked.

"I didn't either. But after what happened this morning I had to say something," I said looking down.

"Katniss you don't need to say anything. I understand how it is and I'm OK with it. I'm just happy that I get to spend my time with you. That's all that's importan-"

"Shut up Peeta! Just stop talking for once in your life!" I yelled at him. "I'm sorry," I said when I saw the shock in his eyes at my outburst, "Just please let me talk. Please let me explain this to you." When he said nothing I took a deep breath and continued. "Peeta...When you said this morning that it wasn't the same for me as it was for you...that hurt more than I'd like to admit. I went out in to the woods to think. I thought about how much I need you. How much you mean to me. But mostly I was trying to figure out exactly when I realized that...that I was in love with you." he moved to say something but I raised a hand to silence him. "Was it in that cave during the first games? Or on the beach in the Quell? It could have been down in those tunnels when I asked you to stay with me and you said 'always'. It could have been any of those moments or a hundred more since we were thrown together on the day of the reaping. But if I'm honest with myself I think it was long before then. I think it was the very first time you saved my life and I realized that all hope was not lost. I love you Peeta Mellark. I'm in love with you. Maybe I can't always say it but I promise you I will do every thing I can to show you. Don't ever think again that it isn't the same for me, it is."

"Are you done?" he asked. No trace of any emotion on his face.

"Yes" I whispered.

Peeta was off the couch and infront of me in what seemed like half a second. When I looked at his face he wore the biggest smile I had ever seen. His hand brushed the side of my face and his eyes bore in to mine. He leaned down and captured my lips with his own. We had kissed many times by this point but this kiss was different. It was as if Peeta had beeen holding back, or I had been. This kiss was filled with more love and contentment than I had ever felt. When he pulled away I smiled while he chuckled.

"Is something funny?" I asked.

"I knew you couldn't resist my charms forever," he said.

"Oh yea? Have you been planning this the entire time?"

"But of course. It was all part of my master plan to make you mine," he said seriously. I couldn't help but laugh back at him. I put my arms around his waist and pressed my head to his chest. This is where I'm supposed to be. He kissed the top of my head and whispered "I love you," and for the first time I didn't feel guilty or uncomfortable. For the first time I knew exactly what to say.

"I love you too"


End file.
